Frustrated... Frustrated... Frustrated!
Unbelieving hope dominated my visits to the eye doctor. I always hoped my sight would be better with new glasses, but lackluster results ruled. This year a change was in the air.
"Mrs. Williams, it seems we can't make you happy."
"I'm sorry, Doctor. I'm just not seeing like i want."
"Maybe you should consider contact lenses. In your case it might improve your sight."
I had a lot of anxiety with the thought of poking plastic in my eyes. My aunt had lost 5 in one eye (they eventually showed up and out). I expressed my fear to the doctor; he chuckled and assured me i'd be fine. Little did he/we realize just 30 minutes later he'd have to fish my "lost" contact out. Dreams of seeing better started fading.
It took 2 sweaty-palm trips to the office practicing how to put the contacts in and out. The first night home with them was disastrous. Red eyed, i looked like i had been on the losing end of a boxing match. After 2 hours of jabbing at my eyes, i finally grabbed one lens and went to bed... the other one hid somewhere in my eye. The next morning produced a miracle as i snagged the rebel lens! It took 4 days of rest to muster up enough courage to try again. Refusing defeat, i tackled the contact project this weekend with better success.
So, can i see better? Maybe, maybe not. The strength in my lenses might need to be increased. Some tweaking is necessary before a final decision is made.
But to be honest with you, physical sight is not the only sight i struggle with now. I want to SEE more of God... SEE more of His working... SEE more answered prayers -- my way, in my time, SEE more clearly His role for me... SEE more healing... SEE more loved ones operating in His Will... actually, to SEE more of myself operating in His Will and less out of my own. I need better spiritual sight; i need more of God's strength in my life.
Father, I am living by what i see, and i don't like all i see. Also, i don't like a lot of what i don't see. Am i seeing as well as i should? Maybe, it's meant to be like this. Maybe our spiritual sight is lacking, so we don't lack a relationship with You. Help me to cling to You even tighter. I need greater guidance and strength from You. May my faith be good enough to cover what i can't see by trusting You in what You see and know is best. Thank You.
friend, we are loved and chosen by God,
veneal
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