a kick in the gut

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." Psalm 139:23-24

Sometimes you have to put your heart out there on the line.  And today is one of those days.  I would be less than honest to say all is well with my soul. A sickening battle has raged inside me recently. Wrongdoing, disrespect and humiliation are common human shortcomings we've all faced in life.  Whereas we learn to cope with such treatment when directed towards us, it's much more difficult when it affects someone we love. The pain is almost unbearable.

My heart has oozed with tears and anger.  I've jotted down everything i wanted to say to the offender; i armed myself for a bloody battle.  Then this week at Bible Study, my full fist of stones was slapped.  As Brenda spoke of the adulterous woman and the ones itching to stone her, i was convicted of my own sin... revengeful and angry thoughts. Jesus said, "Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her." I was no better in God's eyes than the one who fueled my anger.  The stones i so desperately wanted to throw had to be put down at the cross. I've been praying for forgiveness and God"s direction since. Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

Why do i share this with you? They say confession is good for the soul... and i need goodness and healing now. I've laid my stones down at the cross, along with my torn soul.  God in His infinite grace and mercy is removing the boulders one-by-one from the pit of my stomach and restoring peace.  Life is not fair, never has been and never will be.Yet forgiveness must occur.  Forgiveness is not saying what happened is right or even okay, but it's necessary to free us to live life abundantly as we trust God with the situation.

This is why we must cling to the One who is always Faithful and True.  He gives rest to the weary, hope to the hopeless and peace to the hurt.  

Father, You let some of my weaknesses seep out this week.  I am humbly reminded how very much i need You -- every moment of my life. Thank You for the sisters i am surrounded by to encourage and increase my faith, and thank You for Your wonderful Words of life, true comfort food for my broken soul. Thank You for turning my heart of stone to one of forgiveness.  Sometimes the lessons in life are hard, but oh so needed. I love You. 

have a heart-filled day!
veneal